Getting a Twitter was perhaps a fantastic idea. Through it I was able to check out this ARTICLE and learn that Jenny Saville is having a show in NYC with a new body of work related to pregnancy. I am incredibly inspired to work today... but not framing, work as in PAINTING. It does make me happy to wake up every morning and seeing a painting in the works on a shitty easel, and another painting almost completed leaning against the wall. Even more so, I'm excited by the idea of starting a new piece today as well. I should draw more today. Clean up my room a bit more. Listen to music. Maybe watch a movie when I eat lunch or something. Who know.
In all honestly, I have learned that having a full time job leaves you tired, even if you love it. I'm just blessed to continue to work with my hands, and learn various things that I can change with presenting my own work, etc. I feel for now, this is good for me. I am indeed struggling, I'm barely out of college, etc. and I know that I need to attend gallery openings, and the only thing blocking my path is fear of rush hour traffic, fear of getting lost. It's just really something I need to get over with. In fact, if it's one thing to keep me from being successful is my own fear of being successful.
I did apply to one show before the deadline, and I leave it to fate if it made it... further if I even get in. At least I know for that I tried, and that's what matters. now. I sleep at night knowing I tried. I do not yet have the ability to get my own studio away from my apt. That's a someday thing. Honestly, at this time, the best thing I can do is work, start paying back student loans when the time comes, and work on my art when I can and accept being happy. Within a year I will be applying for grad school, hopefully, and likely rejected, all with hopes to apply again and get in to one, and really explore my art, myself, really get myself out there. And after that, who knows. In the mean time, I have to balance everything in my life. So goes the life of being... an adult... with a deep hearted passion for art.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September Adulthood
This is the first time in my life I am not in school in the month of Sept (with the exception of those first 2 years of life) and what I am doing instead? I am thankfully working an art related job full-time at a local frameshop that I love. Yay being able to say bye bye to retail! However, I have learned that trying to be an artist with a full time job is definitely harder than I expected, and hell, being an adult is def more difficult for me. I used to wonder what kind of paint I was going to get with my paycheck... now I have to consider the typical things I had in school, rent, electric, internet, water, etc... but now I have car--- that means gas, car payment, a balance for groceries, and soon student loans.
Permission to freak out now? Given I am blessed that I am an only child, and my parents currently help me with my car payment. It helps I am also awaiting payments from two paintings I have sold, as well as hoping a friend will buy one of the pieces she housesit, and I am still considering selling my best piece to a friend. I applied back in July for my first art show in the Dallas area... and I didn't get in. A part of me figured I wouldn't, but effort for trying eh? Now my professor sent invites to a few other art shows that I should really apply for. It's just nerve racking. What's worse is that I have to force myself to make my art, though I have ideas. The ideas are all in my head and slowly being put down on paper, but motivation is def a need I've come to realize. I need to set goals, and meet them. I need to make work, problem is, working with your hands for 8 hours a day does indeed become exhausting, and I end up wanting more sleep.
Oh. Add the fact I am also trying to have the life I was never fully able to have in my hometown. I am slowly but surely working towards having a balance between work, art, friends, a relationship, and potentially a pet. I know it will all come together, I know life is going really well, same time, I'm discovering much of this has all become a huge weight on my shoulders.... how will I make my own stretcher bars, canvas, etc? I lack so many valuable tools, and I find that my parents don't take me serious when I ask for specific tools.
I think this is just part of my life though that I REALLY have to get used too: I am a young female first generation college student who is DEF the oddball in the family. I have the drive to be successful, but I also realize I need a break, I need to make sure I want to pursue, and I do. Honestly, I can feel the onset of painting and other artistic nightmares keeping me up at night... good thing I do have a day off tomorrow... I fully intend to work on a painting I started months ago, and come up with multiple sketches. I will find time to make this all work...in the mean time... I honestly morn academia... and miss the art village immensely... but sadly...
this is all part of growing up.
Permission to freak out now? Given I am blessed that I am an only child, and my parents currently help me with my car payment. It helps I am also awaiting payments from two paintings I have sold, as well as hoping a friend will buy one of the pieces she housesit, and I am still considering selling my best piece to a friend. I applied back in July for my first art show in the Dallas area... and I didn't get in. A part of me figured I wouldn't, but effort for trying eh? Now my professor sent invites to a few other art shows that I should really apply for. It's just nerve racking. What's worse is that I have to force myself to make my art, though I have ideas. The ideas are all in my head and slowly being put down on paper, but motivation is def a need I've come to realize. I need to set goals, and meet them. I need to make work, problem is, working with your hands for 8 hours a day does indeed become exhausting, and I end up wanting more sleep.
Oh. Add the fact I am also trying to have the life I was never fully able to have in my hometown. I am slowly but surely working towards having a balance between work, art, friends, a relationship, and potentially a pet. I know it will all come together, I know life is going really well, same time, I'm discovering much of this has all become a huge weight on my shoulders.... how will I make my own stretcher bars, canvas, etc? I lack so many valuable tools, and I find that my parents don't take me serious when I ask for specific tools.
I think this is just part of my life though that I REALLY have to get used too: I am a young female first generation college student who is DEF the oddball in the family. I have the drive to be successful, but I also realize I need a break, I need to make sure I want to pursue, and I do. Honestly, I can feel the onset of painting and other artistic nightmares keeping me up at night... good thing I do have a day off tomorrow... I fully intend to work on a painting I started months ago, and come up with multiple sketches. I will find time to make this all work...in the mean time... I honestly morn academia... and miss the art village immensely... but sadly...
this is all part of growing up.
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