23 and finding Confidence.

Today, I promise, I fully intended to paint. I also fully intended to blog more. But I don't. Mostly, it's the struggle to balance life. The job. The friends. The hangout place. The boyfriend etc. Everything but the first one, if anything, give me life, make me feel alive. Why? There's not a lot of thinking to it. In fact, they are the encouragement. The job. Is tiring. I love it, well, I like it, it's a job related to my field. I have a good day, and I have bad day. So does every one else in the world. I'm thankful to have this job, and I really like the people I work with. However, being on one's feet for most of the day, and working, leaves one tired, and just wanting to relax. And I really believe there is no shame in that, in relaxing. But the real work is now.

I got a raise, and doing my best to have a good sense of confidence at work. Dunno what it was, but I'm starting just to accept mistakes, not try too hard, and still do my overall best. I feel secure that I have a job that will help to pay off student loans. That is now safe. But now the real work is to apply for shows, paint more, look into grad schools, make more work. Of course, the challenge is that I am trying to change my style, become more abstract but still get my vision across. It's tough.

Not to have a cutesy moment, but it helps having a good support system a.k.a. a boyfriend who has become a best friend who wants to see me succeed, who wants me to paint, and who understands when I need my "me-time" to paint and create. Even if he does not understand, it sill helps a lot. Course, I don't know jack about finance, so it's an even trade.

In the mean time, I should blog more, paint more, practice drawing more, and slowly really get out there. I can do this. I need to do this. To live. I can do long periods of time without drawing, but barely a week without painting before a depression sets in, and that need kicks in. le sigh. I got this. I know I do. But I just got to work work work, and know that all good things, do in fact, come with time.