This is the first time in my life I am not in school in the month of Sept (with the exception of those first 2 years of life) and what I am doing instead? I am thankfully working an art related job full-time at a local frameshop that I love. Yay being able to say bye bye to retail! However, I have learned that trying to be an artist with a full time job is definitely harder than I expected, and hell, being an adult is def more difficult for me. I used to wonder what kind of paint I was going to get with my paycheck... now I have to consider the typical things I had in school, rent, electric, internet, water, etc... but now I have car--- that means gas, car payment, a balance for groceries, and soon student loans.
Permission to freak out now? Given I am blessed that I am an only child, and my parents currently help me with my car payment. It helps I am also awaiting payments from two paintings I have sold, as well as hoping a friend will buy one of the pieces she housesit, and I am still considering selling my best piece to a friend. I applied back in July for my first art show in the Dallas area... and I didn't get in. A part of me figured I wouldn't, but effort for trying eh? Now my professor sent invites to a few other art shows that I should really apply for. It's just nerve racking. What's worse is that I have to force myself to make my art, though I have ideas. The ideas are all in my head and slowly being put down on paper, but motivation is def a need I've come to realize. I need to set goals, and meet them. I need to make work, problem is, working with your hands for 8 hours a day does indeed become exhausting, and I end up wanting more sleep.
Oh. Add the fact I am also trying to have the life I was never fully able to have in my hometown. I am slowly but surely working towards having a balance between work, art, friends, a relationship, and potentially a pet. I know it will all come together, I know life is going really well, same time, I'm discovering much of this has all become a huge weight on my shoulders.... how will I make my own stretcher bars, canvas, etc? I lack so many valuable tools, and I find that my parents don't take me serious when I ask for specific tools.
I think this is just part of my life though that I REALLY have to get used too: I am a young female first generation college student who is DEF the oddball in the family. I have the drive to be successful, but I also realize I need a break, I need to make sure I want to pursue, and I do. Honestly, I can feel the onset of painting and other artistic nightmares keeping me up at night... good thing I do have a day off tomorrow... I fully intend to work on a painting I started months ago, and come up with multiple sketches. I will find time to make this all work...in the mean time... I honestly morn academia... and miss the art village immensely... but sadly...
this is all part of growing up.
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