May 1, A New Start?

It has been FAR too long since my last blog. Sure enough, my life has been one of working towards the completion of my senior exhibition, hours spent painting, printing, building stretcher bars, building frames, spraying painting, loading, installation... in addition there were forms to be filed out, invitations to order, business cards, prepping for orals... then of course there are my other two legit classes where I'm somewhat behind. To be far, my art history paper is almost done, and what is really left is simply to finish and improve Digital Media projects. All will get done though.

Oh, and I guess I can say, I passed my orals. Yes, I get to graduate.

As much as a relief as it was, all I could think about the next day was, what do I do? Yes, I have a paper to write, and yes, projects to finish... but how can it be over? Well, it's not over. After only 30 mins of actual classtime, I decided to start working on new smaller works with leftover canvas. Yesterday, I worked on a print exchange, but also a whole new edition to play with color on my plates... that whole thing took 4 and a half hours. I feel extremely burntout, with my show up, I honestly just want to sleep or do nothing. But the human body, and the heart, are very interesting things.

My body is used to a certain way of living, you get up and go to your studio, at least twice if not three times a day. You go home to eat and get on your computer for a bit before heading back. My body is used to stress and pressure... and it's lost. And this is something people don't understand about being art majors, why we don't chose to go to grad school so easily. We are used to strain and pressure of completing a show. In grad school, you go to pursue a greater understanding of what it is you do, and improve it, make it the best you can, not so much to learn complete brand new things, though in some cases that is true. You have to have a path. For an art major, taking time off means you have to prove to yourself this is a career, a field you want to pursue. And you have to prove that to yourself but forcing yourself to not lose your creative heart. So you have the body that is used to physical activity and the emotions that go along with it, then you have your heart--and that's what keeps you going.

I have two weeks or so left of studio space. Finish things for other classes yes, but paint and print as much as possible. If I've learned anything in these past few weeks, this past month, despite all the emotions and mental strain this can all have, I've learned more than anything, this is what I have to do. To not do this, means quite simply, not living. I have to create to live, that's the way it goes, and maybe that makes me lost to others, maybe that becomes a annoying, but that's the way it is.

"My mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope.' Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."--Pablo Picasso