Good News, Bad News, and Advice

Where to start quite honestly? This should be a rather short post given it has been several months since my last update, and just get to the gist of everything lately. I received some good news this week, I GOT A RAISE, and a bonus, from my job. It's pretty exciting, and a good feeling to have, especially with the constant fear of, what the hell do I really want to do with my life? All I know is, I want to make art (more on this dilemma in a bit). I'll admit, sometimes I wonder of the prospect of owning my own a frame shop, but at the time, I'm not sure I want that responsibility. There are pros and cons to being your own boss... at least with my raise comes a bit more responsibility--- one of my bosses is having me learn the money side of running a business, at least I'll get a taste of that to help a future decision.

Then to bad news. I searched and searched for a few print shows, and applied, and got rejected. The same day I got my raise. It was a tough decision to pick one out of three given the cost of entering. At time, rejection is something we all have to face right? At least I've gotten into one show and did a few print exchanges right? And, by working hard, I can apply to many more in 2013 and hope for the best. 

Now on making art. Lately, I've focused more on painting the past weeks, and given that, plus recently pulling leg muscles (ow!), it will be two weeks of no printing. I haven't even truly given thought to what I want to do next, and today I will sit and plan those ideas out. Still. Not going to print for two weeks gives me this overwhelming sense of guilt. That's when advice from people who don't know much about art comes in. As he listened to my dilemma and knowing I didn't know what I wanted to do, my boyfriend simply asked me, "why are you forcing it?" He stopped me there. With no real idea of what to create, I would have forced something awful out, and ended up unhappy. I'm not in school anymore, I have to use materials wisely as to not waste money, and I am working towards a portfolio for grad school. So, why am I forcing it? Art for me, should not be an obligation. Yes, every once and a while, sitting down and forcing myself to draw/sketch needs to happen, but my prints need more thought process, as my paintings do, and when there is nothing to make, sit down and sketch. By that, I'll have more confidence and excitement when creating instead of that miserable feeling I know I'll get. 

And that leads me to that final thought/ramble of what do I want to do with my life? Make good art. Good, not forced. Short term goal: go to grad school and make good art. Next week, I will print and be happy. Today, I will rest, get better, sketch, and be happy.